Manipulation

It's something I grew up with. I'm unfortunately very familiar with it, in the first-person sense of it.

In my experience, if you grow up with it, you have two options:

1) make it a part of your own life, assuming that it's normal, or
2) choose to see that it's wrong, and choose to rise above it.

In my own life, it wasn't easy. It took a long time to realize the hurt and pain it caused. It's not the easiest path to choose, but being honest with others pays off in the end. It can enrich all relationships, professional and personal. It means choosing to be honest with others, but more importantly, with yourself.

Manipulators (again, in my experience) end up weaving their own web of lies. In order to live with themselves, they actually begin to believe their own lies. And this becomes their own truth. It can get to the point where they don't even have a clear sense of the reality that is around them. They start to believe that other people don't agree with them; that others are actually out to do them harm, and to make thier life miserable. They then seek to manipulate these people even more; to try and prove them wrong. To try and exact revenge on others for the "attack" upon them. It's a vicious cycle, and I have yet to help anyone break out of it.

It also seems to quickly become an issue of control. In fact, I'd venture that manipulation IS a form of control. And when you lose that control, that's when things get ugly. Accusations begin. More lies. More manipulation. More rejection of the reality that is right there in front of you. I truly believe that this is a sickness.

But how is it treated? How do you help someone realize that they're doing this? How do you move on, and keep that person a part of your life? When someone rejects what you have to say, and refuses to believe what you say, how can you convince them of anything?

First my father. Then my brother. Now my friend of more than 12 years. The biggest question on my mind is, how did I not see this behaviour all along? Sure, we haven't talked a lot in the last 4 or 5 years, and only recently started talking again in the last year or so... but was it there all along? Was he always like this? Does it really matter anyway?

The burning question is, how can I make him realize that I really mean him no harm?

How do you talk to someone who refuses to listen?